Violence

Bombs bursting in Boston.  Twenty-six dead at Sandy Hook Elementary, including twenty children.  Almost nightly shootings in the rough streets of New Orleans.  School shootings, local murders, suicide, war – our “civilization” is often marred by violence, and our children often want to know the details.  And as a parent it’s often difficult to know how to talk to your children about the violence in our community – but you can.

Young children, even up to fifth-grade, can’t really process much of the important details surrounding a violent event – timelines, repetitious images, relative proximity, motives, and political maneuvering are frequently beyond the child’s processing, and therefore generally muddy the water of your child’s understanding.  Kids hear bits and pieces of the “facts” surrounding the tragic event, mix that up with their own imaginations and the collective stories of their peers, and quickly assume that the violence is headed their way.  They worry that they are next.

What children are really asking is “am I safe or am I in danger?”

So, even if they don’t ask this question directly, you always need to respond with assurance that they are safe, secure, and not in any danger.  You might reinforce this idea with information about when the event happened (several days ago), where it happened (hundreds of miles away), or information about the capture, arrest, or the non-immanence of the threat.  Reinforce with your children that they are protected.  And if the violence is actually in their immediate community, talk about ways that you’ll protect them or strategies for staying safe.  Empower them with ways to feel less helpless and vulnerable.

Secondly, tragedies are opportunities to help your children develop more empathy for victims.  Talk about how scary and sad it is for others to be hurt.  Talk about how we should treat each other, even people we’ve never directly met.  Talk about courage, heroism, bravery, resiliency, and collective good.  Talk about treating others with kindness, respect, and decency.  Talk about injustice and all the wrongs of taking advantage of others.  Talk about charity and philanthropy – help your children find small ways to help others, particularly those who have become victims of tragedy, violence, and the injustice therein.

Unfortunately, it often takes tragedy for all of us to be a bit better to each other.