Everyone’s seeking satisfying relationships. Spouses, parents, and co-workers all want the same thing – satisfaction. I have spent a great deal of time and energy helping people find more satisfaction in their relationships (cue The Stones). In fact, most of what I now believe to be true about relationships has been taught to me by the successes and struggles of my clients. So in this series of posts I’ll share what I’ve learned about relationships.
A word about my use of the word Axiom, which I’m using to mean proper beliefs about relationships or self-evident truths about relationships. While I find these relationship concepts to be true, most of my clients have very little explicit training in these concepts, and yet also seem to possess an implicit understanding of them. We seem to know these things to be true, and yet simultaneously do not apply these concepts to our relationships. 
Axiom #1: We are Connected
We’re connected. Each of us, to each one of us. As the Beatles put it, “Every one of us is all we need.” What happens in the U.S. affects what happens in Bangalore, India, and what happens in Bangalore affects what happens in New Orleans. We’re connected. But this isn’t just geopolitical, it’s also interpersonal. Kids are connected to parents, parents to kids, teachers to students, students to teachers, husbands to wives, wives to husbands, counselors to clients, and clients to counselors. What’s going on with and in one spouse affects the mood, security, anxiety, hopes, dreams, and behaviors of the other spouse. We’re connected. Your behavior does not happen in a vacuum, nor do you choose it at random. It’s connected to the totality of behavior of those with who you’re in relationship. When we see ourselves as connected, we’re better able to see the patterns that govern our relationship (next post). When we see ourselves as separate and individual, well, we see only a dimly lit fraction of the story. We’re connected.
